How to Be Coachable: The Skill Nobody Talks About

Most leaders spend time thinking about whether their coach is good. Very few spend time thinking about whether they’re a good coaching client, whether or not they themselves are coachable!

That’s a mistake. Coaching is not something that happens to you. It’s something you do — with support. And the quality of your engagement determines the quality of your results more than almost anything else your coach brings to the table.

So what does it actually mean to be coachable?

It starts with honesty — especially the uncomfortable kind

The single biggest barrier to effective coaching isn’t skill gaps or resistance to feedback. It’s the version of yourself you present in the room.

I’ve worked with leaders who arrive at every session performing fine. Composed. On top of things. “Fine” is a word I take seriously — because in my experience, fine is often the most expensive word in a leader’s vocabulary. It keeps the real conversation at arm’s length and burns through coaching time on the surface rather than the substance.

If you’re paying for coaching, you can’t afford to be fine. You need to be honest about what’s actually hard.

Feedback is information, not verdict

Coachable leaders have a particular relationship with feedback. They’ve learned to receive it as data — interesting, sometimes uncomfortable, worth examining — rather than as a judgment on their character or a threat to their identity.

That distinction matters because the Relationship Ecosystem™ — a framework I developed in my book Cultivate — shows us something important about coaching relationships specifically. A coaching relationship that starts as a genuine Ally dynamic can slide toward Rival territory when a leader becomes defensive. When feedback triggers the need to justify, explain, or redirect, the work stops. The relationship doesn’t break — but it goes sideways.

The leaders who get the most from coaching are the ones who can hear something that stings and stay curious about it rather than immediately arguing against it.

Accountability is the other half of the contract

Insight without action is just an interesting conversation. Coaching produces results when you take what happens in the session and actually do something with it — experiment, test, practice, report back.

This is where many coaching relationships quietly fail. The sessions are good. The thinking is clear. The intentions are genuine. But between sessions, nothing changes — because the leader is busy, the organization is demanding, and the coaching work gets deprioritized in favor of the urgent.

A good coach will hold you accountable. But you have to want to be held accountable. And you have to build the between-session habits that make the work real.

Know what you’re bringing in

The most coachable leaders I’ve worked with come to sessions with something specific — a situation they want to think through, a decision they’re sitting with, a pattern they noticed during the week. They treat their coaching time as intentional, not incidental.

That doesn’t mean you need a perfectly formulated agenda. Sometimes the most important thing is knowing you’re stuck but not knowing why. That’s a perfectly good starting point. What doesn’t work is arriving at a session with nothing, expecting the coach to extract the work for you.

Be willing to be wrong about yourself

This is the hardest one. We all carry a story about who we are as leaders — our strengths, our edges, our defaults under pressure. Some of that story is accurate. Some of it is outdated. And some of it is flattering in ways that aren’t serving us.

Coachable leaders hold their self-concept loosely enough to let new information in. They can say “I thought I was good at this, but maybe I’m not” without it becoming a crisis. That kind of intellectual honesty about yourself is genuinely rare — and it’s what separates the leaders who change from the ones who leave coaching with a lot of good intentions and a shelf full of notes.

Being Coachable

One more resource worth your time: my colleagues Jacquelyn Lane and Scott Osman, together with Marshall Goldsmith, wrote the book on this — literally. Becoming Coachable: Unleashing the Power of Executive Coaching to Transform Your Leadership and Life is a Wall Street Journal bestseller that draws on hundreds of real coaching engagements to show why some flourish and others fizzle. If you want to go deeper on what it takes to get the most from coaching, start there.

Ready to do the real work?

If you’re considering coaching — or you’re already in a coaching relationship and wondering how to get more from it — I’d welcome a conversation. I work with leaders who are serious about their growth and willing to show up fully for the process.

This is the third post in a series. If you’re still weighing whether to get a coach, start with Is It Time to Get an Executive Coach? If you’re ready to choose one, How to Choose an Executive Coach walks you through what to look for and what to ask.

If I’m not the right coach for where you are right now, I’ll be honest about that too. My colleagues Eric Spencer and Ruby Vesely are both outstanding coaches, and I have a wider global network I can connect you with. No pressure, no guilt — just a straight conversation about what would actually help.

Frequently Asked Questions about Executive Coaching

What does it mean to be coachable?

Being coachable means showing up honestly, receiving feedback as information rather than verdict, taking action between sessions, and being willing to be wrong about yourself. It’s an active skill, not a passive state — and it has more influence on your coaching outcomes than almost anything your coach brings to the table.

What stops leaders from getting value from executive coaching?

Three things, most often: arriving at sessions performing ‘fine’ rather than being honest about what’s hard; becoming defensive when feedback lands uncomfortably; and failing to act between sessions. Insight without action is just an expensive conversation. The leaders who grow fastest are the ones who treat the between-session work as seriously as the session itself.

How do I get the most out of my coaching sessions?

Come with something specific — a situation, a decision, a pattern you’ve noticed. Use the Relationship Pulse Check to stay honest with your coach about what’s working and what isn’t. And hold your self-concept loosely enough to let new information in. The leaders who change fastest are the ones willing to be surprised by themselves.

Morag Barrett is a keynote speaker, executive coach, and USA Today bestselling author who helps leaders tackle one of today’s biggest workplace challenges: disconnection. Her work focuses on human connection at work, workplace relationships, employee engagement, and team culture — giving leaders practical tools to build trust and perform better together. Her signature keynote, Fine Is a Four-Letter Word, has been delivered to Fortune 500 companies and industry conferences worldwide. Member of Marshall Goldsmith’s 100 Coaches. She’s a regular contributor to Fast Company.