What Brings Out The Best in You?

We spend countless hours in meetings, exchanging emails, and project updates, yet few leaders pause to ask their team members:

“What brings out the best in you at work?”

According to a recent study, companies that truly engage with their employees see up to a 21% increase in productivity. On the flip side, disengagement costs U.S. companies an estimated $450 billion to $550 billion each year. So, asking the right questions isn’t just a nice-to-have; it changes everything.

Here’s the underlying issue: Relationships at work too often run on assumptions.

What People Try (and Why It Falls Short)

Leaders often think they know what motivates their teams. Team members might assume leaders don’t really want to know. This silent gap leads to mixed signals, resulting in both parties feeling unappreciated and misunderstood, fostering anxiety and resentment. Such emotional undercurrents can quickly turn into deep-seated disengagement and frustration.

And when it comes to motivating their teams, many leaders will typically try:

• One-size-fits-all incentives (bonuses, pizza lunches, employee of the month)
• Performance reviews focused on results, not how people thrive
• Team-building days that feel good Friday, forgotten by Monday

These are all extrinsic motivators—things done to people. They may spark temporary energy, but they don’t touch the deeper “why” behind someone’s best work.

There’s a better way.

I recently coached a leader puzzled by his project manager, Sarah’s quiet struggles. I suggested he simply ask her, “What brings out your best work?” She replied, “I do my best work when I can solve problems without constant check-ins. I need space to think.”

The leader went silent, feeling the weight of realization settle in. His shoulders relaxed, and he took a deep breath, recognizing that he’d been micromanaging her without realizing it. Those weekly status meetings that he thought were helpful? They were draining her energy. I watched as his face transformed, the pieces finally clicking into place.

The secret lies in uncovering the intrinsic motivators, which, by their nature, are often invisible until you ask. Once the leader heard these, they reshaped assignments and feedback to tap into what mattered most. The result? Engagement soared without spending an extra dime.

He gave Sarah some breathing room, and everything shifted. She hit deadlines early and started volunteering more of her ideas in meetings. Her whole presence changed. He realized that his good intentions were getting in the way of her best work. To create this breathing room, he reduced the number of meetings and set outcome-only checkpoints. By allowing Sarah more autonomy, she thrived and contributed more effectively.

In my books Cultivate and You, Me, We, I show leaders how to replace assumptions with curiosity. This one question is one of the simplest ways to build trust and tap into what really drives people.

When you consistently seek to understand your people as people, not just job titles, the shift is immediate. Energy rises. Communication improves. Teams hit their stride.

Your Turn

1. What brings out the best in you at work? And who needs to know?
2. Ask one colleague this question, and listen to their answer without jumping in.

By asking others and sharing your own preferences, you might discover something that transforms how you work together.

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Morag Barrett is a sought-after keynote speaker and executive coach, helping leaders and organizations around the world create cultures of connection. Her mission: to create workplaces where people thrive. Her mantra: Success in business is powered by relationships. Success in life is fueled by connection. Invite her to speak at your next event or work with your team to turn everyday interactions into Meaning-FULL Connectivity™.