Why You Should Be Disagreeing More at Work

Are you having enough disagreements at work?

We’re not talking about screaming matches or heated arguments about which contestant on the Great British Baking Show should have won. (Okay, okay, you’re probably arguing about sports instead of baking, but it’s cake, so we take it seriously…and with ice cream.)

Those types of disagreements aren’t critical to your career, relationships, or work. Instead, we’re advocating for good old-fashioned disputes with two (or more) opposing sides making strong, passionate arguments. The kind of discussions where opposing viewpoints aren’t just shared but encouraged, and everyone involved speaks freely but within the bounds of human decency.

If that sounds familiar, it should. It’s called debate, and we humans have been engaged in some form of it for centuries. 

Healthy debate allows us to see multiple perspectives, hear all the facts, and make better decisions. And when brought into the workplace, it benefits us even more.

Debate Builds Better Friendships

When you think about your work relationships, you probably aren’t thinking that debate is critical to forging strong friendships. After all, isn’t friendship about supporting one another?

YES! And we support each other better when we’re willing to speak the truth and candidly express our differing viewpoints with courage, respect, and a healthy dose of kindness. 

It’s why candor and debate are essential practices in the Ally Mindset, a model for being a best friend at work that we write about in our new book, You, Me, We: Why We All Need a Friend at Work (and How To Show Up As One!). 

Candor is essentially honesty and transparency. It’s speaking the truth, even when it’s scary or unpopular. Debate is taking that honesty and standing your ground on an issue while still listening and considering others’ opinions.

You build stronger relationships when your colleagues know you will share your viewpoint while still respecting theirs. Debate in the Ally Mindset is about being #bettertogether more than it’s about winning the argument. 

As Bo Seo, a two-time world champion debater, shared during an episode of HBRIdeaCast, “It would be limiting to think about it [debate] as a win or a loss. Because what you are gaining along the way is, even if you lose the particular round, you know that you’ve been heard, that you’ve been able to advocate for what you believe in, as you say, Alison, with as much vigor and zest as you’re able to muster. And you learn a whole lot along the way and form a relationship often with the person on the other side.” 

Relationships based on mutual respect and transparency will inherently be stronger because you already know and accept your differences.

Debate Builds Better Workplaces

Debate doesn’t just make deeper friendships; it also creates better organizations. 

Let’s go back to cake, shall we? (Preferably a unicorn cake.)

Cake is delicious because it’s a mix of ingredients. It’s not all flour, all sugar, or all butter, but you do need all of those things together to make a confection worthy of a Paul Hollywood handshake (aka. the Heisman of baking).

We need our differences to be better. Companies with diversity outperform the competition (35%) and are more likely to capture new markets (70%). Diverse teams are 87% better at making decisions, and diverse management teams lead to 19% higher revenue. 

Diversity doesn’t just affect the bottom line either. We are better people when we interact with someone who doesn’t look like, believe like, or think like we do. We become aware of other viewpoints and opinions, expanding our understanding and knowledge, as well as (hopefully) our sense of shared humanity.

Diversity also makes us smarter, because it pushes us to think more critically about our own viewpoints. As Dr. Katherine Phillips shares in UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Magazine, “When disagreement comes from a socially different person, we are prompted to work harder. Diversity jolts us into cognitive action in ways that homogeneity simply does not.” 

But the value of our diversity can’t be realized without the freedom to express our differences. If we stifle disagreement, we lose the benefits of diversity. 

Healthy debate provides an avenue for sharing those differences while still maintaining strong ally partnerships. It creates an atmosphere of candor and trust where opinions can be passionately argued during a meeting, but everyone still goes out for drinks (or cake) later.

3 Ground Rules for Healthy Debate

The goal of debate (like every other practice in the Ally Mindset) is to be #bettertogether. 

We are all responsible for creating a workplace where our disagreements strengthen our relationships rather than destroy them. Stressful, toxic, untrusting environments aren’t incubators for the kind of brilliant, creative solutions that Ally Mindset-level debate can create.

The secret to debating well is working toward shared understanding, not necessarily shared agreement. 

This requires you to do three things when disagreeing at work. 

1. Share what you’re thinking honestly and respectfully or pull an Elsa and “Let it go!” (dramatic singing not required). Your voice in a discussion is just as important as everyone else’s, but your colleagues can’t read your mind. 

You are free to share your candid opinion, respectfully and kindly (and we encourage you to do so!). But if you choose not to speak up, then you don’t get to complain about it later. 

2. Don’t make sharing your point of view synonymous with getting everyone to agree with you. Your opinion can be heard, respected, and valued without everyone agreeing with it. Argue your point passionately, but don’t be offended if others are just as passionate about theirs. You may not “win” the argument, but you can still win at building deeper connections.

3. Listen, Listen, Listen. Then, ask some questions and listen even more. Take the time to thoughtfully understand what everyone else is saying. Giving your colleagues the respect of your attention and consideration not only helps you reach the best solution but also fosters an environment of greater trust and collaboration. 

And as a bonus rule, please incorporate politeness and kindness into your debates. There’s no need to be rude or needlessly blunt when sharing. Politeness and candor are cousins that need to get along.

Better Debate, Better Relationships

Debate isn’t always an easy practice. You may not be as naturally forthright as some of your colleagues, but you can still grow your debate “muscle.” 

First, take our free Ally Mindset profile to see where and how you can improve. Second, choose to candidly (and kindly) share your thoughts, actively listen, or carefully consider a viewpoint that’s not your own as often as you can. Each time you do, you’ll get a little better, and debate will get a little easier. 

More importantly, you’ll be building stronger ally relationships even as you practice. Adding healthy debate into your relational repertoire helps you discuss the undiscussable and turn differences into opportunities. 

And when we can discuss and argue freely, knowing that our relationship is strong enough to hold our differences, there’s no telling how far we can go together. 

Morag Barrett, CEO of SkyeTeam, is a sought out executive coach and member of the Marshall Goldsmith 100 Coaches organization. Eric Spencer is COO of SkyeTeam and passionate about developing high performing leaders and teams. Ruby Vesely is a valued executive coach and facilitator. Together they are the heart of SkyeTeam and international leadership development firm and the coauthors of You, Me, We. Why we all need a friend at work (and how to show up as one!)